Should Men Say No To Marriage?

Found an article at http://www.anti-feminism.com/ (now deleted!) which counsels men to avoid marriage — or at least to avoid marrying a feminist, which the author deems nearly impossible when it comes to Western women:

“If you want to have children and value the security and love that marriage has the potential to offer then you will vastly lower the risks of marriage by seeking a non-Western woman … As I said before, looking for a wife is a game of numbers and opportunities; it’s just like fishing. Now, the river of the feminist-indoctrinated countries has a high percentage of fish that are poisonous to you, but the river of the traditional countries is largely stocked with healthy and delicious fish. Which river will you choose to fish in? I’m not a hater of Western women and I am not saying this because I believe Western women are evil to the core. The reason that ‘no’ must be considered an option for men thinking of marriage is that the lifestyles, culture and expectations of Western women are now such that its an uphill struggle to successfully marry one. Even if we totally destroyed feminism tomorrow, its effects would continue for years.”

How’s that for a little controversy? Before some of my readers begin hyperventilating, let’s first sit back and work up some compassion for this clearly embittered lover. He does not seem to be the type who wants an unthinking doormat for a wife, so we can rule out the Archie Bunker motive. Nor is he someone who is operating from strong racial motives of any kind. The fact of the matter is that virtually all American women are feminists, consciously or unconsciously, and feminism is the diabolical arch-enemy of men and marriage. The traditional Christian man has little chance of finding an American-born lady who would not chew him up and spit him out upon his first assertion of anything remotely resembling “headship”. Of those women who have courageously begun to accept a traditional view of marriage after a lifetime of feminist indoctrination, most retain deeply rooted feminist instincts that can do a lot of marital damage before they are finally put to rest. Take Dr. Laura, for instance. She talks the talk, but can you imagine being married to the woman? The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak …

In my own experience I have only known a few classes of feminine women or girls. First, there was my grandmother, my great aunt, and the old-line Protestant women of their acquaintance who carried themselves with a most elegant and attractive femininity. Sadly, they did not succeed in “passing the baton”. Second, there were a few virtuous Mormon girls in high school, alone in a tumultuous sea of dysfunction and promiscuity. Third, there were the Vietnamese refugees in college — graceful, kind, confident, and gloriously feminine. I married one of the best of them. Fourth, there were the devout women of Russian Orthodoxy and Tridentine Catholicism whose radiant femininity was nurtured in the shadow of the Blessed Virgin. These I encountered only at the end of a long journey.

The topic is important, because many of us will have sons of marriageable age in a few short years (if we don’t already). What advice shall we give them? How will they find wives? It isn’t really that Western men should look for non-Western wives, but that all men should seek non-feminist wives, and today it is likely that many of these will be foreign-born. Still, finding a wife with a non-Western upbringing isn’t enough. Contrary to the ridiculous opinions of some commentators, immigrants today assimilate faster than ever thanks to public education, corporate publishing and advertising, and the steady corrosive influence of our ubiquitous mass anti-culture. It is necessary to find a refuge from all of this in order to keep marriage safe from feminism.

It is true that the majority of today’s rootless young men, like the author of the article above, have very few options. But the sons of traditional Catholics should fare much better. In my opinion it is vitally important to belong to a traditional community that is large enough to produce a decent variety of potential spouses for one’s children. Arranged marriages should not be out of the question. If wives cannot be found there, don’t give up: send your boys to Thomas Aquinas or Christendom where their chances of meeting someone wholesome are pretty good. Many immigrant communities are also worth considering, whether Filipino or Lebanese or whatever, provided your sons can hustle their wives into an orthodox Catholic enclave somewhere fast before assimilation takes place. Unfortunately most immigrant groups tend to trust the schools and the media too much and don’t really provide a viable counter-culture. And then — some of you aren’t going to like this — there are the fundamentalist Protestants. Many of these sectarians have preserved a Christian sense of femininity within their families and have insulated their daughters from popular culture. Sometimes their daughters can be enticed to convert for love. Finally, single men shouldn’t rule out the possibility of finding a late-in-life convert who is serious about traditional marriage. With grace, all things are possible.